The Weather Gods Must Be Pissed
A vast majority of the citizens of Colorado have been walking around for the past month looking up at the angry skies wondering just what in the hell they did to incur such wrathful weather. This summer the state known for it’s 360 days a year of “blue skies” has been transformed into something from the Old Testament, a place better suited for friggin’ Noah rather that the land of 10,000 bikers and hikers.
And what has brought on these vengeful skies? I can only come to one conclusion. It has to be payback for every time over the past 9 years that someone has pompously said in the face of a 4′ blizzard “Well…we do need the moisture.” Really? You think we need 36″ of snow in 5 hours on April 1st? Is the entire population of Colorado running an organic sugar cane farm? What the hell do we need all this extra moisture for? Showers? Flushing the toilet? No, foolish one. We “need the moisture” to ensure that we will be able to amply water our lawns of thick Kentucky Bluegrass every evening after sundown. Yes, it has been Coloradan’s lusty desire to possess lush carpets of bluegrass that has prompted this trite response to every bit of obnoxious weather. That is, of course, if the weather does it’s thing and then gets the hell out, back to where it belongs. Like…uh…Kentucky…here the average rainfall is around 50″ a year, versus Colorado’s 15″. But this time the weather didn’t move on. This time the weather said, “Okay, bitches, I got ya moisture right here! So, you better get your ass down to see if the sump pump is working, cuz I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
Okay, I just got down off my high horse. The Goddess Harpies did, however, provide a nice opportunity to try out my new graduated neutral density filter as she peeked her head over the hills above Eldorado Canyon last Thursday. Now if she could just mellow out for a bit while I try and get the 2″ hill of water damaged oak floors in my bedroom repaired without further incident I would be most grateful.
