Perfect Imperfection

Last year marked our first vacation in 10 years. I know, I know! I’m a disgrace for not parading my wife around the globe. However, there is always a chance for redemption. This year’s swing at the redemption tree was Cozumel.  That had to be a good place, right? Well, not according to everyone I mentioned it to in the days rolling up to the trip.

Everyone: Oh, you’re going on vacation? Where to?

Bill: Cozumel.

Long contemplative pause.

Everyone: …Oh.

Bill: What “Oh”?

Everyone: Oh, nothing. It’s just…you might like it.

Bill: Did you hear me correctly? I said, Cozumel, not Fallujah.

Everyone: Yeah. I guess it just depends on what you like.

Bill: Huh? What I like? I like beaches and oceans and…

Everyone: Well, if you like beaches then you should go to (Insert your beach of choice) because Cozumel’s beaches are really rocky.

Bill: How rocky?

Everyone: Rocky.

Awesome! Last year Heidi and I spent a good portion of our trip speeding up and down the 307 Highway between Cancun and Tulum, like a couple characters from a Hunter S. Thompson novel, in search of the perfect beach. Now I had visions that I was taking her to some jagged, rocky, shit-hole  island in the pits of hell. Such was my mindset as we stepped onto our 6:45AM flight that pointed towards Mexico.

The thick, warm, moistened air of sea level has an extremely positive effect on people dumb enough to live their lives at an elevation of 5280. Not only do your cuticles no longer resemble wood shards from a table saw, but your soul seems to instantly swell from its normal state of dehydration. Your lungs rejoice at that first inhalation of salty sea air. And cigarettes never tasted better, I tell ya!  Such was the affect on me as I exited the stairs at Cozumel airport.

My sea level revelry, however, did not quell my worry about the hotel and the beach. Last year’s experiment with an “all inclusive resort” had proved less than satisfying. Sweaty cold-cuts, and microwave pizza are not allowed to be called cuisine in my book. Let’s just say my expectations weren’t high. And then we got to the Iberostar.

With the risk of sounding like I’ve just been hired as the head janitor of the resort, the Iberostar Cozumel showed me what an “all inclusive” should be: a little chunk’a paradise where you can leave all your worries back where they should be; on the back of the toilet at home, underneath the magazines.

But what about the rocky beach? I couldn’t rest until I saw the goddamned beach!

Ah…There we go.  Beach at last! Beach at last! Thank god I see a beach at last!

On a side note, while the beaches on Cozumel are quite sandy and lush, those rocks that the Cozumel deriders talked about hide just beyond where the surf breaks. I found this out on my first afternoon. With my mask and snorkel resting dorkily on my head, and in one hand a pair of fins, and in the other my new/used, Nikonos V, underwater camera I confronted those slippery-assed rocks within 2 steps.  Whilst walking the 20 yards of rock to reach the sandy water plan on uttering any combination of the following: Whoa, Motherfucker! Oh, you dirty bitch!

I had many plans for this trip, and photography was number one on my list. During last year’s trip I rarely had the impetus to shoot. This year that would all change. Not only did I plan to shoot a lot, but this time I wasn’t going to travel unprepared. Not only was my bag stocked polarizers, and ND Grads, as well as the aforementioned circa 1989 Nikonos V underwater camera, but I even brought along a tripod. Hello! This guy is getting serious. Hell yeah!  The truth is…I only used it once with the 30 second night exposure I took of our hut above. But next year…yeah…I’ll use it at least twice as many times! Hell yeah!

The next thing on my list was that I needed to SCUBA dive in the ocean. Notice how I said this. I NEEDED to SCUBA dive in the ocean. Why, you might ask, did you NEED to SCUBA dive in the ocean? Well, because prior to the leaving Denver I had purchased a really cool O’Neill wetsuit, that kind of makes me look like an evil super villain. If I didn’t get my ass in the ocean, where in the hell was I going to where the suit? Now, did I lose my ocean cherry? The answer is yes. But that’s another blog in and of itself.

The week in Cozumel held many surprises for us, but rather than go into that right now here is a little glimmer of this really lovely little island.

After a day of swimming, sunning, and snorkeling, Heidi and I, along with our friends Robert and Tyler, walked out of the main Dining room satiated, a little sunburned, and very content.

We got about 10 paces into the lobby when Tyler stopped short in front of Heidi and I and seemed to wobble on his feet.

Heidi & Bill: Are you alright?

Tyler raises a hand to his chest area.

Tyler: I…I feel…I think I’m having a…heart attack.

To be continued…